The Engagement and Nike

Well this idea came from my bestest friend, Han, so you should blame her for the ruminations you will be subjected to. This blog will contain those random thoughts that just happen to run through this very warped, very mixed up mind. Enter at your own risk.

This has been a pretty interesting week for me. On the one hand one of my best friends and someone who I must admit I was at least a bit attracted to announced she was engaged. I am still processing that. Am I happy for her, sad for me, totally unphased because in reality we were destined to never hook up anyway? More on that later. I also had an interview with my dream company...Nike, for my first managerial position. Once again this leaves me a bit ambivalent.

Now let me start this off by stating that I think Han really loves me. We met about five years ago at The Ohio State University and hit it off instantly. We were frick and frack, yin and yang for the next two years. I mean most people who knew us assumed something was going on but alas, nothing ever was. Many told me I should press the issue, but her friendship was very important to me so I was unwilling to jeopardize it for a few moments of pleasure. But I think she knew I was into her. I loved her like a fat man loves cake!! She told me she could never see herself with someone who wasn't Asian (yeah she's racist but she is still cool). But we kicked it for 2 years daily and since then maintain constant contact. And yes, I do think down deep she loves me...and I mean beyond the friendship love which we easily admit to. So now she hits me with news of her engagement over the Christmas break. Shocked? Mildly. Concerned? A bit. I mean how can I be totally happy for her when I actually think that she is in love with someone other than the dude she is engaged to (I am talking about me). Now don't get me wrong, I like her fiance. I have said in that past that this dude would be a perfect match for her (other than me of course). So now I must of course support my friend, even though I know that her decision is sub-optimal.

But then again I don't even know if love truly exists. Maybe it is some self-induced psychosis. Just something we trick ourselves into believeing to help us through this drudgery we call life. I would like to believe there is something to this thing we call love. I mean it would be nice to have someone to share your life with and all that, but in reality after maybe a year or two you are likely to get bored then what is now called love is more than likely to be more of an endurance issue. But hey, I could be wrong.

Now about my Nike interview. Nike has been my dream job since I decided I was going to work rather than become a professor. It not only is a great company, but also would allow me to move back to Oregon, my state of birth. The job seems to be a great one, a managerial position which would be quite an achievement given my several missteps after getting my degree. So why the ambivalence? Well what if I get in Nike, the absolute pinnacle of all my hopes and dreams, and find that I still can't stomach work? I mean is it better to have dreams that are always arms' length away so you never have to bump it up against the harsh light of reality? Maybe it will be proven once and for all that the jobs are not the problem, but I am just a lazy malcontent, destined to forever gripe about my plight in life. Maybe it would be better if I didn't get this job so that I can at least keep my fantasy life going.

Anyway, this is post one. If you have not shot yourself, come back in the next couple days for further musings.

HOLLA!!!

The Dean